Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hey for those of you who have been following my blog for awhile know that I quit smoking some time ago. I have a little over 10 months under my belt...yay! Unfortunately, quitting triggered anxiety disorder, which in me is very difficult to treat. I did a spit test my doctor sent it to this specialized lab where they can test 6 genes yad pa yada....long story short, my body metabolizes the one medicine that treats this too fast and I suffer 3x the side effects. I can't take it. I have, apparently, always had anxiety disorder but the smoking was a type of self medication so it was sort of kept in check and when I quit....well it just came out in full force. That is the "problem at home" I was talking about yesterday. I am embarrassed and angry about it all at once so it is hard to talk about but it is definitely interfering with every day life on a grand scale. One of the medications they gave me made me gain 10 pounds and I freaked out so they took me off of it and I lost most of the weight again....just 3 pounds off of my goal weight so I am ok with that. It is a day by day struggle to get back to "me" so I thought blogging might help with that. I do want to lose that last 3 pounds so having a goal also might help me with my motivation problem. My family is financially strapped right now so I can't afford to buy my BFC food which totally blows but I am doing the best I can with what we do have and that is the best anyone can do so I am not beating myself up over it.

I am also thinking that part of my "depression" issue might be that I turned 40 last December. I didn't mind turning 30 but I have been fighting turning 40 with every ounce of my being and I don't know why. Can someone explain this to me? Midlife crisis? I just don't know! I have a great family, great kids, love my hubby, my life has never been better and I choose NOW to have a freak out? WTF is my problem? Because I don't know. One more question you ladies might actually might be able to answer because I don't honestly expect you to know that last one. =o) To tan or not to tan? Ok, so I have always let myself get naturally tan in the summer time. Not from a tanning booth but using a little sunscreen and letting the sun do its thing without burning. For some reason, THIS year, I am freaking out about how my skin will look when I am 60. I have been avoiding the sun like it is the anti-christ. The problem here is that I look healthier with a little color and just better all over...I feel better, sexier and tan skin looks better than white skin. So whats the trade off....enjoy life a little now or preserve my skin to look good when I am 60....or is there a way to do both? Tell me what you think.....


  1. Its great to hear from you and sorry you are having problems. I am 53 so just imagine how I feel at times. You just have to learn to accept yourself just the way you are - flaws and all.
    I stay out of the sun too for the most part. Try the spray on stuff, much healthier.
    Have a great day :-)

  2. A little bit of sun is good for you. I think the problem comes when people are in the sun too much and/or burn. My doctor actually gave me the prescription of being in the direct sunlight light for 15 minutes a day without sunscreen to help me keep my vitamin D level up.

    Well, anxiety is the flip side of depression. From my own experience I would suggest you try a gluten free diet for a couple of months to see if that makes a difference. It's a relatively quick and easy way to see if it makes a difference. Keep your diet simple...meat, vegetables, fruit, and dairy if you can tolerate it. If a sensitivity to wheat/gluten is the problem you will see a significant change. Eating gluten free has made all the difference in the world for me. My depression completely went away and I've been off depression medication ever since...gosh, over 10 years now. Anyhow, just a thought on something you can try right now and possibly get immediate results.

  3. I am 55 and I personally love the sun. I think after eating the way that I have for the last year, I look younger and feel younger than I have in years. I would suggest that you get your vitamin D checked. Mine barely registered when I had it checked several years ago, now I take 2000ICU a day and I feel great! I swear it was a lifesaver! I tell anyone who will listen that it changed my life. I live in WA state so we will never get enough sun here.
    Anxiety is more common that people realize. I take alprazolam when I have issues. I just can't unfreak out my mind when some things happen. I have an amazing life right now, all of my dreams have come true, but I still have issues. I just think some of us are more prone, and I also think there are genetic elements. Definitely in my family, but I am the only one who got help.
    Acknowledging the issue and looking for help are good steps forward!
    I have to say I am struggling with 55. Yikes!!! Who wants to be old? Anyone who would rather not die:)
    Good luck!!!