Sunday, March 27, 2011

Details please!!

My rant today is about "life changes". Whether big or small, changes in life can throw some of us (definately me) into a panic. I have always been resistant to major change. I can't remember a time when I wasn't. Beginnings and endings are some of the worst times for me. As I have gotten older and experienced life more, these changes have become a little easier, especially if I have had time to mentally prepare. For example, the beginning and ending of the school year for my kids is always wierd. I can prepare for it though because it is an expected change so I have time to get myself ready for the change, plan things that will help it go smoother, and consider all of the aspects of the coming change. If I can do that, I'm good. But we all know that life throws you changes that you can't prepare for. I'm not very good at those. I pretty much obsess over the details to make sure I haven't missed something important and try to put that change in a neat little box with a lable. I want to know all of the ins and outs of things, how they will impact my life and what I can do to make it the best possible experience. I can do this with expected changes but when a change happens that isn't expected, I am all over the place. I can't sleep well or think about anything else until my brain has processed all of the details and made it fit somewhere. I need a plan...or three for how to proceed. It is pretty intense at times. I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I don't obsess over bigger changes but I have learned to roll with smaller changes......finally. Thankfully, the people who love me are patient if not understanding of my need to be the detail police. They have come to know that after a period of indecision and confusion, I will accept the change and things will be fine. I have no idea why my brain works the way it does other than I know it is genetic, I get it from my Dad.....but I am working on at least reducing the time for "freaking out" to a bare I have a hard time with making a general plan and dealing with the details later.....automatically my brain goes to the "what about this" and "how is that going to work" and the ever frustrating "if , then" scenarios. I want information, lots of it and in a hurry before I can comfortably adapt to a change. I am a research fanatic. If it comes into my life, you can bet that I have reseached it to the max. I do think this serves a good purpose but I also know it can make adapting to change harder if you have to go through these processes to accept it. I like to call it having my bases covered but really, its way more indepth than that. There are pros and cons to how I do it....I am usually far more prepared than other people in certain circumstances, but I also get hung up on unexpected changes more often than those people too. I am working toward a happy medium...I have found it at least with day to day changes, but I still struggle with permanent bigger changes. What can I say, I am working on it! =0)

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