I am Wiccan, an elemental witch and I believe in God, Jesus and the Goddess. For most people, this in completely incongruent. For me, it is the natural conclusion to my desire to know more. Let me explain....
For the first 36 years of my life, I was a Christian. Ever since I heard about Jesus and God, I have loved them and had unwavering faith in thier divine existence and love for me. I have gone to church both regulary and sporadically....but have always felt that my relationship with God was more personal than that. As my mom says, I am the "eternal student" so often listening to the pastor teach God's word brought up more questions....several of which either the pastor couldn't answer or would give some vague non-answer, leaving me completely unsatisfied. My prayers to God for clarification were answered but it seemed as those answers were not exactly what I was being taught. Still, I just figured I would know the answers "later". My faith in God was the only thing that got me through the suicide death of my kids bio dad and all the stuff that followed. It also brought questions up all over again when the grief subsided. Once again I turned to the church for answers....and they failed. Thier answers were in direct conflict from the answers I was getting from prayer! They told me I was looking for the answer I wanted to hear instead of the "real" answer. I wasn't sure about that but it sounded feasible considering how stubborn I am when I want to get my way, so I let it rest for a few more years.
About five years ago, I developed an interest in the occult...for lack of a better phrase. I didn't know about Wicca at that time but I did want to know something more because of the experiences I had following my late husbands death. There was a chunk of my experiences that the bible simply didn't cover and pastors were reluctant to discuss. For awhile, every time I tried to do some research, I would hit upon some dark website that made me feel totally uncomfortable....I could feel the negative energy rolling out of those. I immediately stopped and put it on the back burner for awhile. After some more time went by, I discovered Wicca. There are several different types of Wicca and the beliefs vary quite a bit between them but I found a few resources that drew me to them, to learn and read. As this interest developed I grew concerned that this was not God's plan for me. So for the second time in my life, I prayed in true earnest with the intent of hearing the true answer from God. Through prayer, I learned that God supported my desire to learn more about Wicca. I was nervous for lack of a better word....because I wanted to be sure that I was "hearing" right. I prayed about it for about three months while I continued to research this path, being careful to stay away from any resource that I felt negative energy coming from. I asked God many questions....He answered. I continued my studies and prayers about it for an entire year....with the support of God.
I am now Wiccan. I believe in our Lord, Jesus and our Lady. I view my Wiccan beliefs as embracing those of Christianity (in premise, not always as interpreted by fallible man) pluse more. I believe in the Goddess, God's feminine side or as I like to think of it, God's wife. I still pray mainly to God because that is how I feel most connected but there are occasions when I do pray to the Goddess because during those times I feel that connection is stronger.
A word about spells. Spells are simply prayers with tools. Tools help manifest proper energy for prayer. Writing the spell also makes sure that you that you approach your request/desiere or whatever else with the proper intent. Spells are prayers with tools and ritual. Much like communion is a ritual. Or lighting a candle for a loved one. The careful planning of a ritual or spell is beneficial because it requires that you are absolutely aware and certain of the intent of your prayer. The Wiccan rede says, "An it harm none, do what you will". In other words, your actions, words, prayers, and wishes can harm no one. Not physically, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. This rede (when adhered to) prevents a spell born out of frustratiion, desperation or even anger from being cast. We can pray for whatever we want, as long as we don't harm anyone in any way. I have cast only two spells, both on myself and both for healing, because every other time I set out to cast a spell, by the time I got through the preparation and writing of the spell, I realized I already had my answer.....I didn't need to cast it. I have had similar experiences with praying as a Christian. I would get all ready to pray on this huge delima, problem or whatever and as soon as I bowed my head, before I could utter a word....poof* there was the answer! The reason I love spell work is because it gives me something to DO with my hands and my thoughts while I am getting ready to pray. It also focuses my intent completely, which I had a huge problem with before being Wiccan. My thoughts were all over the place in prayer. God must have thought I was crazy!
So that is how I became Wiccan. It fits, I have my answers to those questions I had and I am at peace in my relationship with God. He knows what's best for me more than I or anyone else does. I don't need other imperfect people to tell me that....God talks to me just fine as does the Goddess on the rare occasion I ask. I love my path, and can only pray that everyone finds a spiritual path that makes them feel as safe and secure and as LOVED as mine does me.
A footnote.... I posted this blog because it is a part of who I am....not to try to change the way other people think. I don't want my path to make others uncomfortable so I keep it quiet but I am always willing to talk about it. Be warned though, while I love a great debate, I will not debate spiritual paths with anyone. I feel that it takes the focus of what is important.....FAITH!