The right meds finally!!

The doctors finally found the right meds to treat my anxiety disorder thingy. I am so excited I just don't know what to do with myself!! Actually, for once in a good long while I do! LOL. I have been cleaning house like a mad woman, weeding my yard, painting my toes and just keeping busy in general doing little things I enjoy. It feels really good to be back to my old self after almost a year of fighting depression and anxiety. YAY!!

On the BFC front....what can I say about that. I am maintaining my weight although I have totally trashed the BFC rules. I am drinking diet soda, skipping breakfast most days, hooked on MiO water flavored squeezy stuff, and live mostly on slices of cheese, a scoop of all natural peanut butter and a scoop of sugar free chocolate frosting. I do eat a little dinner with the kids sometimes but usually just a few bites and I dont really count the carbs, just sugar. I am so blowing it. Part of the reason is because I simply cant afford to buy special BFC food for me anymore so I just have to make do with what is on the menu for everybody and it is far too expensive to feed the family (as large as mine) that way. The other part of the reason is that I have found that I can loosen up on counting carbs and maintain so I enjoy eating more....so why not? As soon as I gain, I will go back to counting and that will be that. Having said all that, I realize that my eating habits are totally unhealthy and as soon as we dig ourselves out of this financial disaster and are no longer on the Ramen Noodle budget, I will go buy my BFC food and start eating healthier just for the sake of being healthy. I certainly not the best person to take advise from at this point but I am just being honest, therefore accountable for my actions and can look back later on and see where I was at this point in time.

Thanks for listening!

Randi

Hey everybody...so for those of you who have been following my blog for awhile know that I quit smoking some time ago. I have a little over 10 months under my belt...yay! Unfortunately, quitting triggered anxiety disorder, which in me is very difficult to treat. I did a spit test my doctor sent it to this specialized lab where they can test 6 genes yad pa yada....long story short, my body metabolizes the one medicine that treats this too fast and I suffer 3x the side effects. I can't take it. I have, apparently, always had anxiety disorder but the smoking was a type of self medication so it was sort of kept in check and when I quit....well it just came out in full force. That is the "problem at home" I was talking about yesterday. I am embarrassed and angry about it all at once so it is hard to talk about but it is definitely interfering with every day life on a grand scale. One of the medications they gave me made me gain 10 pounds and I freaked out so they took me off of it and I lost most of the weight again....just 3 pounds off of my goal weight so I am ok with that. It is a day by day struggle to get back to "me" so I thought blogging might help with that. I do want to lose that last 3 pounds so having a goal also might help me with my motivation problem. My family is financially strapped right now so I can't afford to buy my BFC food which totally blows but I am doing the best I can with what we do have and that is the best anyone can do so I am not beating myself up over it.

I am also thinking that part of my "depression" issue might be that I turned 40 last December. I didn't mind turning 30 but I have been fighting turning 40 with every ounce of my being and I don't know why. Can someone explain this to me? Midlife crisis? I just don't know! I have a great family, great kids, love my hubby, my life has never been better and I choose NOW to have a freak out? WTF is my problem? Because I don't know. One more question you ladies might actually might be able to answer because I don't honestly expect you to know that last one. =o) To tan or not to tan? Ok, so I have always let myself get naturally tan in the summer time. Not from a tanning booth but using a little sunscreen and letting the sun do its thing without burning. For some reason, THIS year, I am freaking out about how my skin will look when I am 60. I have been avoiding the sun like it is the anti-christ. The problem here is that I look healthier with a little color and just better all over...I feel better, sexier and tan skin looks better than white skin. So whats the trade off....enjoy life a little now or preserve my skin to look good when I am 60....or is there a way to do both? Tell me what you think.....

Blogging again....hello everybody! I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. Firstly, my blog got all screwed up and I lost a bunch of my friends and I got so bummed out I just quit blogging, and secondly, I have had  some serious problems at home. The good news is that I have maintain my goal weight. Well, I have stayed  within 3 pounds of it anyway. I should be all excited and all that but honestly, I just don't care which is one of the reasons I decided to blog again....everybody's excitement and enthusiasm is contagious! I need a boost in motivation. I am hoping reconnecting with my blogger friends helps. :)

Somewhere in the middle....

Hey Everybody.....

I have been absent from the blogging scene for a few days...mainly because every time I got on to blog, my mind would just grind to a halt and I didn't have anything to say. They call it writer's block. They are right. The reason for my writer's block is because I had so much on my mind I was unable to write about the trivial things. Most of my followers are BFC friends so you might be saying "but weight loss isn't trivial"!! You are right and it isn't but right now to me it kind of is. It is trivial because I finally went to the doctor and found that I have what is termed Bipolar Spectrum Disorder....basically it is having a little bipolar a little depression and a little anxiety all rolled into one. In other words....all of the chemicals my brain produces are wacky. Thankfully he gave me the right medication to level them out to the right amounts and I feel what I think other people would term "normal". No matter, it is still higher on my priority list right now. As many of you know I have a Bipolar child and an ADHD child so this really doesn't come as a huge surprise to me....now just to work on fine tuning my parenting and relationship skills with this new set of information tools.  Like anything else in life, this will take dedication, work and perseverance but I am committed to doing the best job I am able. It is scary finding out this information after 40 years of living with it but I figure if I have come this far with no meds, look how far I will be able to go with them!! Top of the world....here I come!!

On the BFC note, I am holding at 123 so far....even going to the cabins for vacation over the weekend. yay me! I think I am going to shoot for 118 to 120 just to see...I think I would look ok at that weight and its much easier to gain than to lose so why not try?

Today I ate:   2T Psyllium husks in 8oz water 0/1  9 F
                      3c. coffee w 1pkt stevia 1 tsp regular powdered creamer each 0/0
                      2 Alternative English Muffins w/butter and sausage patties  2/2  10 F
                      1 sugar free Jello pudding cup  0/1

For dinner I will have a protein and one more carb with whole grains


Thats all for today....have a great BFC!!!

Strep....oh boy!

Hey peeps...so I woke up with a 101 plus temp this morning....I feel so oogy...my nose and throat are feeling sticky. You know that feeling you get just before you get super sick....yep that. So I've just been laying around the house with my sick boy watching tv and stuff but I really want to just curl up and sleep for a month until I feel better!! I haven't been eating well today....mainly because I haven't been eating much at all. I don't think being sick counts as long as I don't eat bad food. It is not possible to eat 6 carb servings a day when I feel this sick. Oh wow, I fell asleep in the middle of writing this blog....thats new! So I guess I'd better get off of here and get some rest so I can function....looks like I will have to cancel my bday bash....I'm bummed....but keeping my fingers crossed that maybe I will have a miraculous recovery by saturday....wish me luck!! Randi

40 didn't kill me.....

Hey Gang....so turning 40 didn't kill me but it was much harder to get out of bed with one foot in the grave!!! LMAO! Just kidding. I ran some errands today and did a little thrift shopping....can I just say how much I LOVE thrift shopping. I found myself a pair of jeans and got a bunch of tshirts for my hubby. I also got a bag for my laptop and a cool picture/sign thingy for my house. I was totally a bad girl and only had psyllium husks and my vitamins until 330 this afternoon and then I had a burrito thingy when I got home. It was all BFC approved but I just didn't eat enough. Bad Randi. I have a nasty headache from my allergies and one of my boys has a wrestling meet tonight so I have to keep this short but I will say that I need to go shopping so bad so I have some easier quick BFC food within reach. Rosalie and Amber, you guys rock and totally inspire me to try to be creative with my food even though I hate the kitchen!! It so totally helps to have such a great circle of friends on here...I have noticed that only a few people comment on my blog anymore so I think I lost a bunch of my followers when I switched my blog addy......*sigh* guess they will find me eventually! Have a great day everyone and Rosalie....I still want to call you soon but with the craziness of my sick kids I haven't had time to pick up the phone. I can't wait to hear you Jorge story personally!! Randi

Try again...

So today I called my doctor and requested a different medicine for pain as the Tylenol with codine was not working for me. I was able to get another medicine that seems to work much better AND I dont have to eat more than a light snack when I take it. I can just eat a piece of cheese or other 0/0 snack. I am really glad about that because i was getting quite frustrated with the fact that taking these pills was probably going to make me gain weight because I have to eat with them. The antibiotics don't seem to be working for me so I am going to have to make another trip to the doc at the end of the week. I was hoping to be better for my birthday party this saturday.....and my actual birthday tomorrow. I don't know about this at all. It has arrived much faster than I wanted it to....In fact by the time most if not all of you read this, I will have turned the big 40!! I am not liking this ....no wonder I was to drown my sorrows in meds and liquor! I won't but I sure would like to! In other news, I really need to go grocery shopping in the worst bad way. I don't know how I will make it till payday on what I have in the house....I sure didn't plan my budget very well this time! Oh well, I will do what I can to get it figured out and hopefully we don't all starve. lol. This is one time when it is not as convenient to be on the belly fat cure....not as easy jus to throw hodge podge leftovers together because you have to count the sugar and carbs and most of the time there is too much of one or the other. Ah well, it soon will be back to normal and I will have a bunch of food in the house....no worries. Randi